Why True Visionaries Are Not Self-Made or Multi-Generationally Groomed (Part 1)

How many leaders have had their joy snatched from them because they were not living 100% of their parents’ vision for them?

When 97% is not enough

My seven-year-old son, Alex, proudly stood in front of the entire school as he received awards for academic performance. He was beaming from ear to ear in his pressed uniform. I felt so proud of him!

After the school ceremony, Alex ran towards me, a big smile on his face. Just as I was about to hug him, his teacher stepped in and blocked his path.

“Qian Han (Alex),” she said sternly in Mandarin, “you did well today. But it’s not enough. Understand that you represent our school. We are #1 in the whole of Shanghai. This means that you must get 100%. 97% is not enough.” In an unquestionably authoritarian tone, she continued, “Understood?”

Instantly, my son’s smile dissolved. Naturally full of joy, ‘understood’ deflated that joy like a pin to a balloon. Alex was seven years old.

The Ties that Bind

How many leaders have had their joy snatched from them because they were not living 100% of their parents’ vision for them?

My experience has made me realize that, as children, when an authority figure gives us a set of standards to live by and expects us to lead an impeccable adult life despite offering no legitimate reference point, that is not only a setup for failure but also a sincere moral dilemma.

Most of us never stop to consider that our standards may not be our own. My son Alex was too young to emotionally understand that the standard for perfection he was given was a tie that would bind him to a system geared towards mass conformity, not beloved individuality.

The Self-Made Fallacy

To avoid being labelled as someone embracing their individuality, many of us proclaim to be self-made instead. But there is no self-made. Allow me to explain.

The word self-made takes its origin in the 1600s to depict “having attained material success in life without extraneous (external) advantages.”

An external advantage would be any form of help, whether that help was emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, etc.

Put simply, self-made means having succeeded financially, 100% through one’s own efforts, and with zero help from anyone ever. Come again?

The Standard Line of Conformity

The standards for perfection and conformity passed down to us from previous generations can have tremendous implications on what choices we think are available to us in business and in life.

From a very young age, my son Alex was conditioned to think it was his responsibility to make the family proud by following in his father’s footsteps. He is not alone.

Take Yang Huiyan, for example. At 39 years old, she is the richest woman in China and the daughter of China’s biggest real estate mogul, Yang GuoQiang. In 2007 (when she was merely 25 years old), her father transferred over 70% of his holdings to her prior to taking his company public.

When it comes to family and multi-generational family business, many children are expected to behave perfectly by conforming to the standards of the authority figures in their lives. Experience has taught me that these children’s wishes only seem to matter when they align with the family standards.

Why True Visionaries Are Not Self-Made or Multi-Generationally Groomed:

#1. A true visionary unbinds the ties that bind them.

A true visionary emotionally understands that, as children, we were given a set of standards to live by, and those standards may not be our own.

A true visionary is unwaveringly bold in digging into their truth and closely examining everything they were taught, so their humanity and individuality can shine through for all of us.

#2. There is no self-made.

A true visionary emotionally understands that no one does it alone. From time to time, we all need help and inspiration.

#3. A true visionary learns how to think for themselves.

Equipped with the self-knowledge derived in #1 and #2, a true visionary emotionally understands the implications of having been groomed to inherit the family business(es) that were built on the standards provided by the generations preceding them. As a result, they lean hard into genuine accountability partnerships.

Now that you understand why True Visionaries Are Not Self-Made or Multi-Generationally Groomed, in Part 2, we are going to dive deeper into what it means to be a true visionary and how genuine accountability partnerships nurture true visionaries. I’m excited to share this journey with you!

Anne Beaulieu is a Strategic Financial Emotional Intelligence Coach, who is Unwaveringly Bold about Inspiring the Next Generation of Emotionally Intelligent and Strategic Women. You can email Anne at anne@financialeq.coach